can I lose weight?

I don’t know… With my illness, the symptoms I’m having, you’re either losing a lot of weight or none what so ever.

When the new year started I started being very, very serious about my health. What I can and can’t eat, what I can and can’t drink (because of my POTS). I need to take this serious and do what’s best for my body. I need to be healthy!

I weigh and measure myself every 2 weeks, and I take progress photos every 2 months. If I can’t lose weight, then fine, at least I will know that I am doing everything I can for myself and for my body, that’s what matters.

Just over 2 weeks has passed, and all my numbers have gone down. However I don’t know if this is just temporary water loss or actual weightloss. It’s nothing dramatic, but I can both see and feel the change. Obviously I’m hoping for the best, because my body isn’t happy. My back, knees, hips, neck and shoulders hurt from my weight…

I do allow myself a few things.
– I have a treat once a week. It was chocolate until I realized it made me sick! On the back it says “may contain wheat” and I have celiac and can’t have gluten… Oh the sadness… the huge, horrible sadness…
– I drink a can of Coca Cola once a week, when I do laundry, because being in that tiny, hot, dry building with people screaming and trying to steal things is no fun.
– Once a month I will have junk food.

I feel like these 18 days have gone well. Nothing that I’ve felt I couldn’t handle.

Keep looking up ❤

when your health takes a surprise turn for the better

Last year, october/november, my health had gotten to the point where all I had energy to do was lay on the sofa. I slept most of the days, and I felt too horrible to describe… I couldn’t do anything, I needed help with pretty much everything…

About a week before christmas, I started to feel something positive. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was feeling pretty good.
I noticed that I could eat normal portions (my kind of “POTS normal”, not actual normal) again, and I was hopeful that I would be able to have a nice christmas. And it was lovely!

After christmas, I was in the right mindset. After spending all of november and december really wanting to do everything I could for my health (things had gone bad at this point, but how could they not considering the state I was in?).
I started a YouTube channel about a healthy lifestyle, but didn’t feel it was my thing, my blog was/is more me ❤
I had made my plans, notebooks everywhere, and I was ready! On the 1st of the new year I would start!

So the 1st came. And I did it. Good bye bad things, hello good things!

On the 3d or 4th I realized that I wasn’t sleeping all day, every day, and that I hadn’t for about a week or maybe even 1,5 week. I was even sitting up most of the time. I had energy!
It was obviously not from the changes I had just made, but I couldn’t figure out what was happening.

On the 6th, I realized I was walking without getting a heart rate of about 200. My blood pressure wasn’t a disaster (other than how bad it normally is). I could breathe!! I could walk around without collapsing! I didn’t understand anything, but I knew I hadn’t felt this good since… autumn of 2014… 5,5 years!
Then it hit me, my thyroid medication! I was losing weight too, and I realized it was the medication that was finally doing its job.
And just as I understood that, there was the second realization… my wheelchair would no longer be needed! I would be able to start walking again!

On the 7th, my mum called and told me she had taken a pretty bad fall in a store and was waiting for an ambulance. My dad went to the store to get her things and I went to the hospital to meet my mum. But I don’t like going on the bus alone with my wheelchair because people can be so horrible to me… wait… was I already well enough to walk to the bus?
I did it. I took my cane, a lovely black one with flowers, and walked to the bus!
And it went just fine! I have not been able to walk more than 10 or so steps in just over 1,5 years, and now I just walked and walked! I can’t describe the joy and I wish so much that I had taken a photo of me because that smile must have been the biggest anyone has ever had!

My mum almost passed out when she saw me standing in the doorway to the room she had been put in. Thank goodness she was sitting because all that morphine would have made her fall over otherwise!
It turns out her left arm was broken in 3 places, and there was a lot of walking back and forth to get x-rays and such, but I made it!

I have been walking from tuesday until saturday, then I needed to rest today. I haven’t walked for 1,5 years so my body is far from used to it. I am so, so, so sore! Everytime I walk, I feel like I’ve been doing a really hard workout at the gym after.
I can walk about 20 minutes, then I have to sit down. I have done so twice now, and the second time was a bit easier than the first, obviously.
I’m taking it easy and try not to push myself too much, because I don’t want to make myself worse again or injure myself.

So this is how my 2020 started, and I am ok with it 😉

I will continue to write about my health and my life, and with a lot more energy and a brain that is actually working, it will be a lot easier than it was last year!

But so far, today is the 12th, and I have been doing really well for all 12 days!
I will give a much better update tomorrow about what is happening and what my plan is.

Keep looking up ❤

things I’ve forgotten after 1,5 year with a wheelchair

I’m writing this because I no longer need my wheelchair!! Oh yes, that’s right!!
The day we never thought would come, quite litterally, I’m not actually supposed to get even a little bit better, is here!

1) How tall I am. (~179cm, ~5.10 or 11.)
2) Shoes hurt…
3) Purses are heavy!
4) Eating & drinking while walking is a thing.
5) What being treated like a person feels like.

So yeah… as of tuesday I am out walking again!!! I’m still in shock…
I’m 37, and all my life I have gotten used to getting worse and worse.  Just a little bit, every now and then I’ve gotten a lot worse. Not once, not once in my entire life have I ever gotten better. Not even the tiniest bit better!
Right now, I dont even know how to handle this… I was even afraid of falling asleep the first few days, what if I woke up the next day and was worse again?

A few days before Christmas, I started to feel like there was something going on, something just felt… right. I coldn’t put my finger on it, but it felt like something good was going on.
On Christmas Eve (when we celebrate in Sweden) I noticed I could eat pretty well, and that’s not normal for me. I didn’t think more of then.
On the first day of 2020 I realized I wasn’t as tired as I usually am. And the next day I realized I don’t fall alseep around 13.00 or 14.00 anymore.
Then on monday this week, I realized I was walking around a lot and I was still able to breathe, my pulse didn’t go up to 200, I didn’t faint, I didn’t collapse… Nothing.
I was walking back and forth in my apartment and I felt fine!

And then on tuesday, two days ago, I went outdoors with only a cane! I walked to the bus, then from the bus to the emergency room (my mom had taken a fall and her arm is now broken in 3 places), the back and forth so my mom could get x-rays, then to the bus again, then home. No problems!
Yesterday I went to the shoppingmall, to where my mom was injured, to let them know how it went, then I just walked around a bit.
Today I was doing laundry, that I usually can’t even do alone, and then walked to the store. In pouring rain…
IT took 20 minutes to walk one way and my legs felt dead! I’m clearly not used to walking anymore!

I’m really happy I’ve been working out and doing cardio while I’ve had my Alonso so that my legs were actually strong enough for this!
I will of coourse take it easy in the beginning and pause every now and then so I don’t over do it.

But yeah… I’m still in shock! This doesn’t happen to me! Never!

Keep looking up ❤

Skin cancer, you found me in the end…

I think you may have figured out why I’ve been missing. I haven’t been doing too well lately.

I had surgery to remove skin cancer a while ago (they take the stitches out tomorrow). We know it’s skin cancer already, but thankfully the doctor doesn’t think it has had time to spread! I know this is good news, that I’m in no danger. But it’s still been hard.

Because I am so pale, I burn even with the highest spf. Even if I re apply often!

When I was 7, a doctor looked me in the eyes and said “you will get skin cancer when you grow up!” Nice doctor, huh? Well, 30 years later and here I am. Guess he was right.

We also have LOTS of cancer in my family, on my mums side. I think it’s 2 out of 11 or 12 that survived. The ones that survived had skin cancer.

All of this has put a pretty massive fear of cancer in my head. So even if I know that this surgery was most likely all that is needed, I still haven’t felt too good.

Keep looking up ❤

stop at your nipples!

Who else have been taught that about skin care? Everything should go all the way down to the nipples 🙂

I started this a while back, and the skin just below my throat is really sensitive. It is a bit irritated at the moment, but I don’t know what is causing it. It doesn’t hurt, doesn’t itch, it’s just red.
I don’t use strong products on there daily as I know the area is sensitive. Maybe I should wait and see if it gets better? If it doesn’t, then I’ll have to try my way forward to see what’s ok and what’s not. Often when using new products there can be a slight reaction, and then after a short while it’s just gone and the skin feels better than ever!

I know the moisturizers are ok (I use one during the day and. I think it may be the toners… I obviously don’t use all of them on the same day/night, just one at the time. But it could be that actually…
I’ll be playing a detective for a while 😉

Keep looking up ❤

Pixi perfection!

I am fully and completely in love with Pixi and their skincare line. I have some makeup samples to try, but I’m not very used to that line (yet!!).

Today, my skincare collection grew with 5 new products! *Insert heart eyed emoji here*

My entire collection of Pixi products are the following 8:

The following are the products, and their descriptions:

• Glow Tonic – 5% Glycolic Acid Exfoliating Toner – Gently exfoliates & brigthens, revealing healthy glowing skin. For all skin types. Alcohol free. Dermatologist tested. Use AM & PM or as needed. After cleansing, apply with a cotton pad, avoiding eye area.
• Retinol Tonic – Retinol & Jasmine Flower Advanced Youth Preserving Toner – This multi-action treatment with time release retinol also replenishes skin with potent antioxidants. Use daily after cleansing.
• Vitamin C Tonic – Vitamin C & Ferulic Acid Brightening Toner – Skin brightening tonic. Vitamin C has potent antioxidant power, promotes healthy collagen production and is known to boost skin luminosity. Probiotics help fortify skin’s barrier while willow bark & fruit extracts gently exfoliate. Alcohol free.Great for all skin types. Use daily after cleansing. (My edit: smells super lovely of tangerine!!)
• Glow mist – with Propolis & Argan oil – All-over face mist for a glowing, luminous & smooth complexion. Enriched with 21 natural oils plus propolis, aloe vera and fruit extracts.
• Vitamin Wakeup mist – with Orange blossom & Citrus Extracts – Boosting treatment toner mist gives a revitalized awakened effect to complexion. The orange blossom water base is blended with skin-loving citrus fruit extracts, lavender, and arginine. Before moisturizer: strengthens & tones. After makeup: adds hydration & a protective veil. Anytime: refreshes &wakes up skin.
• Retinol Eye Cream – Smoothing Eye Cream – Formulated to improve elasticity, smooth & protect the delicate skin around the eye area. Super nourishing, this cream restores, renews, and helps minimize the look of fine lines. Apply around eye area. Use as needed.
• Vitamin C serum – Brightening Concentrate – Brightening & antioxidant serum provides a boost of immediate and long term radiance. Vitamin C & ferulic acid are proven to reduce the effects of sun damage & free radicals, helping to improve skin tone and creating a smoother complexion. Use daily after cleansing and toning.
• Collagen & Retinol Serum – Volumizing Serum – Unique concentrated formula of collagen , retinol and vitamins to help restore natural plumpness & elasticity. Helps to soften fine lines and revive skin’s natural radiance. Use daily.

Whats your favourite skincare brand?

Keep looking up ❤

a small pick-me-up

I went ahead and bought the Dior Face & Body primer. It was 20% off, and I had a coupon for another 50sek (roughly 5 dollars/5 euros) off. So I saved quite a bit! So far I’ve only used it once, but oh my wow!! It’s so good!
I was a bit shiny before I put it on, and it took away every bit of that! It smoothed out my pores, it made my skin look absolutely gorgeous! You can just use the primer and head on out if you don’t want any make up.

I played around with the primer and some other makeup tonight. I’ve been feeling really down lately, so I figured this could cheer me up (not so much as it turns out…).

I mean… look at that forehead! Look at that nose! It’s so smooth!

So, products used:

Primer – Dior Face & Body
Foundation – Dior Face & Body, shade 0CR
Concealer – Maybelline – instant anti-age
Contour – Dior Forever skin glow (actually a foundation I got as a sample that’s too dark for me), shade 2N
Setting powder – Maybelline Master fix
Face powder – Maybelline Fit me, shade 104
Bronzer – Dior Terra Bella sunpowder (old!!), shade 001
Blush – Wet n Wild coloricon, shade pearlescent pink
Highlighter – Maybelline The City Kits, Urban light.
Mascara – Maybelline Snapscara
Eyeshadow – Estée Lauder by Violette & Estée Lauder Pure Envy
Eyeliner (waterline) – IsaDora inliner kajal, shade 56 blonde
Eyebrows – Maybelline brow precise shaping pencil, shade dark blonde
Lipstick – Estée Lauder Pure Envy Color, shade Vengeful Red.
Lipgloss – Chanel rouge coco christmas edition 2018, shade 812

I actually contoured my nose today, but got rid of it again as it was too dark and made me look dirty 🙂 There’s a shade in the Pure Envy eyeshadow palette that I think will be the perfect shade… I haven’t tried it.

I highly, highly recomend the Estée Lauder eyeshadow palettes, at least these 2. The quality is amazing and it blends so well! The Pure Envy palette has some of the most wonderful glitter shades I’ve ever seen. They glide on so easily!

What’s your favourite eyeshadow palette?

Keep looking up ❤