going all in

I’ve been thinking right, I’ve been in the right mindset. All that. But I, today, feel like I haven’t really, reeeally been going all in. I’ve been stuck on Youtube for a few hours… yes… sigh… But I’ve come to some conclusions.

Here I am, completely in love with notebooks, but not using them one bit for my weight loss journey. Come on!
No, we can’t have that 🙂 So now I’ve been sitting here, thinking about what to put in them. I don’t want a bunch of nonsense, I want it to be easy and I want it to have a good vibe. So to speak.

I’m printing out photos from front and side tomorrow, and I will do so every month on the 1st.
I will write in how many steps I take each day. I love to walk, but with my job, I don’t think I’ve been getting in more than maybe 1500… Because of my job, my lower back is killing me. That pain is unreal. But, I’m starting some rehab for it (not the first time, I know what to do) and I will pop in a (over the counter) painkiller then head out on a walk after work. As long as it’s not raining!
I will write down how many calories I eat in a day. And what I eat in a day. It will be interesting to know that. The calories I mean, I know what I eat 😉
I will also keep track of how much water I drink in a day.

What else… I will be keeping track of my rehab for my lower back, I think that’s a good idea. All body weight stuff. Lots of hipthrusters in my future!

Do you keep track of what you’re doing?

Keep looking up ❤

allowing me to be me

I’m feeling stressed. It’s mostly a I-need-to-lose-weight-NOW kind of stress, but also fitness related. So much fitness related. There are a few things going on for me right now.

I can only eat a very little amount of food, so you’d think weight loss would be easy. Nope… I have gastroparesis, and weightloss, on a very low calorie diet (not by choice) would make you lose weight quickly, right? No, not in this case. It sucks!
I lose about 0,5kg weekly (last time I gained twice that amount for some reason), but I’m feeling stressed out about that. Which is not good.

I also have POTS. When I didn’t work, and when I worked 50% I could go to the gym. I worked for 10 years to be able to work out like a “normal” person. 10 years! I love it. I love it so, so much. My goal was to start running. It’s something I’ve loved since I was a child. Just running, free, no worries.
But since I work 100% now, and will continue to, I’m not able to work out at all. Because my POTS doesn’t allow me to.
Which is stressing me out. I need my time in the gym. But those days are over…

I need to de-stress. I need to relax and allow me to be me. Let go of all the things I can’t do anymore, and focus on things I can do. Focus on me and myself.

I can do this!

How do YOU do it?

Keep looking up ❤

weigh in, week 5

Oh no… What happened? I’ve been trying to figure out what went wrong all day.

Weight, 93,9kg = 1,1 up (about 2lbs)
Waist, 89cm = same
Belly, 108cm = same

Maybe I’m retaining water? I know I’ve been drinking A L O T, but peeing way too little (tmi, I know…).
I’m on birthcontrol so I don’t get my period, but maybe this is when I should have had it?
Anything is possible I guess.

What ever, a new week is coming and I will, hopefully, be back on track then! We all fluctuate, some more than others.

How is it going for you?

Keep looking up ❤

weigh in, week 4

I forgot to write an update! It’s been so hot here these last few days, my brain just melted…

Ok, so the week has been kind to me. I lost both weight and size.
Weight, 92,8kg = down 0,5kg.
Waist, 89cm = down 3cm.
Belly, 108 = down 2cm.

Becuase of that medication I’ve been writing about, I’m pretty bloated, but things are at least going my way. So I’m still happy. It’s going to take 6 weeks to get of said medication, but it’s on the way!

How did you do this week?

Keep looking up ❤

I’m OK with this!

I tried on a pair of trousers to see how badly they fit, just so I could add them to my previous post where I show where I am at right now in regards to my size (here it is).
The last time they fit me was in november, and then I have gained more size since…

Holy wow did they fit! I’m still in a state of surprise! I’m going to show a picture of me in them tomorrow.

I’m going to weigh in tomorrow and I’m really nervous. But I think that it doesn’t really matter what the numbers say, I can fit into those trousers, and I couldn’t do that just a month ago. So I’ve already had a win this week!
How do you see scale victories vs non scale victories? Do you prefer one over the other? I think I like both, but the non scale ones do pack an extra punch.

Keep looking up ❤

where I am is where I am

This is the very not-so-much-fun place I am at right now. Pardon the background, I was trying on my summer clothes.
I bought the skirt in October, and it did fit, I just couldn’t sit in it (or breathe). The shorts I tried on in… march? and the fit perfectly. That doesn’t hurt at all… not one bit…

I am doing my very best to be kind to myself, but it’s hard when my body doesn’t want to cooperate. Yes I have my illnesses, but they should actually be “helping” in losing weight. I have that temporary medication I’ve been ranting on about, and that is hindering weightloss… Is it only the medication that is hindering me? Or am I missing something?

I have a very short list of what food I can eat (gastroparesis) and a very tiny amount I can eat at a time. Right now, the amount is close to nothing, it’s not working at all. I even have problems drinking water. It just doesn’t want to go down.

Let’s do an update photo in 2 months, shall we? Or you know, I? Yes, let’s do that.

Keep looking up ❤

weigh in, week 3

Yay, things are going my way!

Even with my medication, I actually lost a bit of weight this week. I’m really happy!

Weight, 93,3kg = -0,4kg (0,88lbs)
Waist, 92cm = the same
Belly, 110cm = the same

I didn’t change anything, I just hoped for the best XD
Even though I didn’t lose as much weight as I know I would have off my medication, I’m really happy this week. I have seen progress and that’s all I ask for.

For the coming week, I will change nothing, again. Or no, that’s not true, I will get off this weightloss-hating medication on monday or thursday, so big wohoo on that! (It’s supposed to be on thursday, but I will see the doctor on monday and I hope he will pull the plug. Again, I know I have this stuff for a reason, but I’m seriously not feeling well on it!

I will see you again tomorrow or sunday for some “before photos”, so you know where I am at and what I’m aiming for.

Keep looking up ❤

when goings get though

I have two photos. One from before my medication, and one after. They make me sad…
I can still wear the blue jeans, but holy wow are they tight! Even thought I’m sad, I’m ok. I’m hopeful.

The black jeans are a size larger than the blue ones, and even those are a bit tight now.

I really can’t wait to get off this medication. It’s only a week and a half left. You just wait for that weight just running away from me! Or I hope so. I’ll work for that to happen 🙂

Keep looking up ❤

weigh in day, week 2

AS the title says, I had my second weigh in day this week. It was yesterday, but nothing was going my way so yeah…

This week, my weight stood still. It didn’t go up as I was afraid it would, so I’m happy with that. I did have some cm going down though. Not much, but hey!

93,7kg = no changes
Waist, 92 = -2 (I accidentally wrote 91 for last week, it was in fact 94.)
Belly, 110 = -3

The changes for my waist and belly are so small that I don’t really think they mean much, to be honest. A large glass of water and I’m back up. Sort of.

I had confirmation today that a known side effect of the temporary medication I am on is indeed swelling of the belly, so that was nice to find out! It has been really hard on me. I have gained so, so much size over my belly since I started taking it, I can show you in a post tomorrow (I just need to clean my mirror first, or so I’ve been told (by me…).

I really wish I could go to the gym, but doing that and working full time is a big no with my health issues. It sucks, but what are you gonna do? I could buy an eliptical, but they’re a bit too expensive and I have no room for it… Yup, get those shoes on and out for a walk! I like that, so no biggie!

Keep looking up ❤

feeling low

I’m going to be honest. I’m really, really not happy with my body right now. I absolutely hate it!

It’s all about the belly…

Please excuse my mirror, it’s self-cleaning function is out of order 😉

I just can’t get over how I look. I hate this part of myself. I don’t think like that when it comes to others looking the very same way, I only think it about myself. Isn’t that weird?

I have decided to not cover myself with large jumpers/sweaters all summer, I will dress like I always do. I won’t stop myself from feeling as good as I can. I just have to avoid mirrors I guess… Oh why do I keep saying things like that about myself? It’s just wrong, isn’t it?

How do you get over the “urgh” feeling and come to at least be ok with your body?

Keep looking up ❤