it’s the little things

One of the first things mentioned in Stresspodden (a swedish podcast about stress that you can find on Spotify), was DARK. Well, it doesn’t really work in english… but here it is:
D – dagsljus (daylight)
A – aktivitet (activity)
R – rörelse (exercise)
K – kost (diet/food)
They said these things are so important when it comes to recovery from stress.
Daylight – I find it very difficult to leave my home, but I know I have to or I will feel even worse than I do. And things will only get worse. I make sure I’m outdoors at least 30 minutes, simply because that’s what they said, but usually I’m out for at least 60.
Activity – I go to the store, or to FIFH (where I usually work out), or somewhere where I know I will talk to people.
Exercise – I can’t actually at the moment, my left shoulder is so bad I can’t use my arm at all. However, I do actually do what my physiotherapist told me to… does that count? I’m gonna go with yes, because that is the only thing I can do… soooo… 🙂
Diet/food – Some of you know that my POTS is making it difficult to eat, but I can manage at least one small meal a day, so I make sure it’s all healthy food! At the pod, they said sugar is something that will give you an instant happy and good feeling, so a lot of people that are stressed will choose junk food and sweets instead of food that’s good for you. So, I made a list of all the healthy food I like and then I make sure that anything I eat is on that list! (OK… I had an ice cream yesterday, but it was abour 30*C here, so that’s absolutely OK!)

Ths, together with me working on one thing at the time, will surely help me get better! Right now, I’m working on that darn shower (read here).
I’m thinking very carefully on what the next thing I need to work on is… I don’t want to choose something I’m not ready for, something that’s too big.
I am leaning towards it being lights out at a certain time, because I have problems sleeping. Maybe making my brain/body used to a certain time to get in bed would help? Sort of like a Pavlov’s dogs sort of thing? Instead of drooling for food at the sound of a bell, I will get tired at a certaing time? Yes, I think I’ll try that, because getting enough sleep, and sleeping well is so, so important!

Do you struggle with stress as well?

Keep looking up ❤


my battle with the shower

I wrote here a little over a month ago, then I broke down so bad from stress. I couldn’t manage anything at all basically. Even just taking a shower would make me fall apart and cry because I felt it was so stressfull!

Since then, things have hit rock bottom and actually started to make a turn for the better, so yay on me for that! It has not been easy…

I am taking things very slowly, and try to focus on just one thing at a time, something I feel I can control without it making things worse for me. For very obvious reasons I chose to start my “battle with the shower” so to speak 😉
Now, please don’t missunderstand things here, I didn’t walk around dirty and never showered. I did, it’s just that it was extremely difficult to do so. It could take a full day of preparing myself for it, then crying my way through it, and finally laying in bed exhausted and breathless from it.
What I do now, is that I have decided to take a shower every day (yes every, that darn sunscreen is not getting anywhere close to my bed!!) between 18.30 – 19.00. I focus on my, very, lovely smelling soaps, the water feeling semi-hot and nice, and that fresh feeling only a shower can give. I also play the soundtracks for both Mary Poppins’ movies in the background. Each of these things make me feel a bit better and I can make it through feeling OK. After about 1,5 week of this, it’s getting easier!

I haven’t been able to figure out what it is about taking a shower that stresses me out like this… It could be because taking a shower is really bad for my POTS, but I’m just guessing.

My face is even starting to break out from all this stress. But that’s OK, I’m working on it 🙂
One way I can work on it, is by writing about it here. This blog is about my life after all, and stress is a huge part of it now. I won’t be making one entry after another about how horrible things are, but I will write about it when me brain needs to let go of things, like right now.

I’m listening to swedish a podcast (a serious one with professionals) about stress, Stresspodden, and I’m really happy I found it, it helps a lot!

So, until next time, remember to breathe and be present!

Keep looking up ❤



Every moment of every day consists of me telling myself that ‘everything will be OK’ and that ‘I can do it.’
I just need to go through this day, and things will get better. Just one day, that’s all. And then tomorrow comes, and I start all over with the same words.

Stress isn’t easy to deal with. And it certainly isn’t fun. I do my best right now, that’s all I can do. I try to relax, I try to breathe, I try to find the good and the fun in things. But it isn’t easy. I end up crying myself to sleep at night.

I am not writing about this so that you will feel sorry for me. I am writing about this because I want others to know that they are not alone. It is not something to be ashamed of.
I know a lot of people suffer from far worse stress than I do. I know that things will get better, I just have to make it to that day.

Just one more day. Just one. I can do it.

Keep looking up ❤


look inside the balloon, and if you hear a tune…

I thought I was feeling better, I was wrong…

A few things have happened, and it has had me wondering if I’m heading for a depression or if I’m “only” extremely sad. I believe the latter. Not much fun, but easier to deal with I think.

Recently I learned that people I called friends, that were very dear to me, were in fact very far from friends. I was nothing at all to them, and they now ignore me completely. I was only a “good thing” to have around when they needed me. As soon as they were doing better, they tossed me out into the cold (so to speak).

I’m not sure of anything any more…
Am I allowed to be myself? Am I such a horrible person that I can’t be tolerated? Or am I unlucky and meet one bad person after another?
You know what they say, if everyone leaves you, maybe it’s not them? Maybe it’s you?
I really thought people liked me…
Does this mean I should put on my make up, put on a smile, and then say nothing at all? Just sit there with my smile and nod and agree with everyone? How could I possibly do that and feel good about myself?

I’m starting to feel less and less like a human being and more like… I don’t know… like I’m just gone or something.

I just want to be happy again.

Keep looking up ❤

beauty, misc.

my Adidas

What a great day todays has been!

First, I have finally got the hang of getting on and off the bus without the ramp! If the bus driver does their job right and drive in, close to the sidewalk, I can manage perfectly fine on my own. If they’re far from the edge, well, I don’t want te front wheels to fall down between the bus and sidewalk, that would hurt…

I’ve had nothing but nutritional drinks all week, I get about 1000 calories down every day. Not much, but better than nothing. Today, I tried eating a little, something called a galette.

Gluten and dairy free!
There’s feta cheese underneath there too. It was unbelievably tasty! I shared it so I had half and it was just enough for me. I think it will become a friday thing, a tasty galette.

Then there was shopping… by accident…

The Adidas was not only a gift, they were 25% off!!

The lipsticks look very similar on photo, but the right one is a lot darker.
Estée Lauder Pure Color Envy Matte, # 220, Unattainable.
Estée Lauder Pure Color Love, # 230, Juiced up.

Then I decided to try some budget make up from Normal too, I’ve heard about these brands on Instagram so I decided on these.

I’ve only tried them a bit on my arm so far.

The w7 eyeshadow palette smells a bit like paint, as if a child is sitting there drawing something with water colours. But I don’t think it will smell anything when it’s on the eyes.
The colours are absolutely gorgeous!

The w7 tiny palette with bronzer, bronze shimmer & highighter was really strange to the touch. It was like touching styrofoam… Odd… But I do have hope for it because it looked good on my arm. So, fingers crossed.

The wet n wild blush is the one I really fell in love with. It was difficult taking a photo of it, because it kept looking too dark or too light. I couldn’t fix that by editing the lighting either.
However, it’s a very peachy colour, and it’s shimmer-y in a really lovely way. It was actually a perfect peachy colour for my pale skin. This I’m really looking forward to try out, it looked amazing on my arm!

Did you have a nice day today?

Keep looking up ❤


books, the best weapons in the world

I loved when the tenth doctor said that (in Tooth and claw, season two)! Because in my humble opinion, it’s true.

I love to read, because it’s such a wonderful, scary, funny, relaxing, adventurous, exciting, happy, sad escape from reality. It will let you see things from the perspective of others. It will give you insight in to the mind of other people. Smart, funny, serious, all kinds of other people. Fact? Fiction? Poetry? Fairytales?

With reading comes understanding. Understanding for not only the things we want to understand, but the things we need to. And not only that, the same book can give such different meaning to different people. For example, the book “Our ice berg is melting” by John Kotter. I got it at work a few years ago to read before a Kick off. It was a wonderful story about how a group of penguins come together and fight for their survival due to climate change. Or rather, that’s how I saw it. The others at work saw it as a book on leadership. How one penguin brought the rest together. And really, the book is about leadership! I still don’t see it as that, I still see it as a book about coming together to fight for survival.

My favourite writer of all time is Jane Austen. I love reading, and rereading her books. I know them by heart by now, but that doesn’t matter, they are that good.

And loving Jane Austen so much, I got Pride and Prejudice and Zombies as a christmas gift from my younger brother. I think you may need to be a fan of the original book to love it. The film however, is brilliant!! Matt Smith has a small part in it, and we all love our Doctor, don’t we?

Do you have a favourite book or author?

Keep looking up ❤


my current favourites

My favourite make up is always different, but a few things stay on top of the list. Lipsticks are the most stubborn ones, once on the list, they don’t leave 🙂

  • Smashbox Photo finish primer water, set & refresh spray.
  • Smashbox Photo finish foundation primer, SPF 20.
  • Smashbox 24 hour photo finish shadow primer.
  • Maybelline Fitme! matte + poreless foundation.
  • Maybelline Instant anti-age eraser, multi use concealer.
  • Maybelline countdown palette.
  • L’Oreal La Palette Nude.
  • L’Oreal La Petite Palette.
  • Chanel Le volume révolution mascara, #10 noir.
  • Clinique Lash power mascara, long wearing formula, #01 black onyx.
  • Clinique Chubby lash fattening mascara, #01 jumbo jet.
  • Clinique pop matte lip colour + primer, #02 icon pop.
  • Yves Saint Laurent lipstick, The Slim #01.
  • Estée Lauder Double Wear Stay-in-Place Makeup, SPF 10.
  • Estée Lauder Pure Color Envy Sculpting blush, #320 Lover’s blush.
  • Estée Lauder Sumptious Extreme Lash Multiplying Volume Mascara, #01 extreme black.
  • Estée Lauder Pure Color Envy, matte Lipstick/Rouge, #330 Decisive Poppy.
  • Estée Lauder Pure Color Envy, Lipstick/Rouge, #350 Vengeful Red.
  • Estée Lauder Pure Color Love, Lipstick/Rouge, #180 Black Star.

As you may have figured out, most of this cost a smal fortune. But fear not, I’m really, really good at getting coupons and discounts! I’m particularly good at buying makeup when I have a coupon and 25% off!

What’s on top of you list?

Keep looking up ❤