happy mind, happy body?

So how do I truly feel about me, myself and my weight?

Oh, that was a harder question than I thought… At this point, I can at least say that I do love myself. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t care about taking care of myself. Now, don’t get me wrong, you DO NOT have to lose weight to take care of yourself, but for me, that is the case.

As I gained weight, I guess I lost myself a bit. I lost who I am, or were. I lost the way I dress, is that weird? What I mean is, as I got bigger, the clothes I love to wear fit differently, and since I gained mostly on my stomach, everything fit quite poorly. So now, instead of what I want for myself, I do what I am forced to? Does this make any sense? I live in jeans and a t-shirt. I have dresses, but of course a neighbour HAD to comment on my size this summer so now I don’t feel comfortable in that any more… Now I just want to hide! Oh, I guess I don’t really love myself the way I thought. Well, that is what this is for, to help myself move forward!

As I got bigger and bigger, I got more and more physical problems. Today I have problems breathing, even when I just sit here typing this. I have worsened heart palpitations (I have POTS so it’s already bad). I have severe pain in my back after standing up for just a short while. My knees and my hips hurt after walking for a few minutes. I’m so, so tired all the time.
I can’t do this. I can’t continue to feel like this! I need to be kinder to my body.

But that feeling, that “what if I fail again?” is in the front of my mind all the time. How do I get past that? I don’t know the answer to that. Someone said fake it ’til you make it. Is that it? Is that how you do it?
What if I DO fail again? But… What if I DON’T? What if this is my moment? The moment I say yes to myself? Yes, I will be good to me! Yes, I will take care of myself! Yes, I can!
Ooh, that felt kind of good to write. YES I CAN!

So what do I do now? I guess I plan like I have never planned before. Some thoughts on what I can do to help myself (more will likely come in upcoming posts).
– Write down something every day about how I am doing.
– Focus on the future, not the past.
– Try to think happy thoughts – Cliché I know, but what if it works?
– Plan my food intake.
– Plan for times I may feel like I can’t do it.

What do we think? Does it sound good?

❤